I understand how you feel. I know we aren’t supposed to say this unless we’ve been through the exact same experience before. The truth is I have! I truly do understand how you feel.
Thinking back to my third-year, all my favorite rotations had a common theme: passionate, invested teachers who valued my existence as a human being. Not the teachers who seemed to know it all, though some teachers can be both. Even though I did not earn honors on my neurology rotation, my first one, I appreciated the chalk talks on how to manage strokes at the end of the day, even though the neurology residents at my institution worked some of the craziest hours (upwards of 90-100 hours a week). Even though everyone said internal medicine would be the toughest rotation, I loved it so much that I decided to pursue it because the team I worked somehow found a way to talk through my plan for our patient, distill knowledge pearls on rounds, and check in with me emotionally when a patient died. Even though I probably didn’t know how to manage a pulmonary embolism in a patient with newly diagnosed malignancy, the residents and attendings asked what I thought about anticoagulation. I’d make a guess that was wrong and then they’d ask me to teach it to them later. On the flip side, I can vividly recall all the times I’ve been the target of micro-aggressions and ridicule. Sometimes, I wasn’t a target at all. Just a med student who was in the way.
It’s a bit mind-boggling to think that medical school is all about learning and that your learning experience is entirely dependent on your teachers. This may sound like a silly statement. I think it is mind-boggling to me because in a few months, I will be the teacher who holds this important responsibility.
Without meaning to do so, I’ve mentally compartmentalized teachers into two categories. The ones who want you to learn it exactly how they did and suffer the same way they did, simply because they did. And the ones who do not want you to learn or suffer the same way they did, simply because they remember what it felt like.
All of that is to say that I promise I will not be the teacher that makes you learn or suffer the same way I did simply because I had to do it that way. I want to be the teacher that nurtures you to grow into the good, compassionate physician you are meant to be. I want to share my passion for caring for patients with you. I want to invest in you because I know how heartwarming it felt to have someone invest in me. I promise that I will not take this duty for granted.
The truth is, I’m afraid that residency will rob my passion and ability to invest in people, to become a great teacher. Know that I will give it my best. Know that I do care.
Sincerely,
A soon-to-be resident
